Back to Anonymous Letter of love, friendship, gratitude, and anger Dear Mom, I love you. Our relationship has only grown deeper in the past couple years. I recall times in the past year that I would sit and just cry…. thinking about the unending and overwhelming emotional and financial support you surrounded me with as I struggled through my divorce. I’ve told you many times, there is no way I can ever thank you enough. I also know that you’ve told me many times to not think twice about it, that you would do anything to support me. I know you love me. You are my best friend…. Yet I’m torn: between love, true friendship, my gratitude, deep anger and betrayal. So many times… You told me that I needed to hang out with friends who treated me nice, so I wouldn’t get hurt. You told me to hang around girls, who have a good reputation, so I would have friends in the "right group." You told me to not get involved with a Hispanic or a Black man After all, "you’re children would have a difficult time growing up." You told me to meet a nice guy who treats me good, so I wouldn’t get hurt. You told me to be a school teacher After all, "it’s a good job to have and still raise children" You told me that women still were treated like 2nd class citizens and that "we" women need to stick together. After all, you can’t always believe what a man says. You told me that I see the world through rose colored classes… You told me to be in at 10:30pm. You told me not to drink. You told me not to smoke. You told me not to have sex. Even through you hold some very strong liberal views, You tried to shelter me so I would learn to do what was "right". You tried to shelter me; all to ensure that no harm was done to me. For if any person does harm to you, I will shoot his balls off. After all, "I love you and "I only want what’s right for you." After all, "I only want you to be happy." Yet Mom, what happened when the man you married molested me? You choose not to shelter me. You choose him. I was a child, sure I was in high school, but still a child. The court appointed me a social worker and even a lawyer. You made sure I saw a counselor. Still, you choose not to shelter me. You choose him. My father sued you for custody. You choose to shelter me from my father. After all, I love you. You choose to engage in an expensive legal battle over custody, and you won. After all, I only want what’s right for you. Again, you choose not to shelter me. You choose him. My big brother went to college. Your husband lost his job… You choose to sell the house and move from the town I grew up in. Your husband. You. me. And the façade began…. You choose to put it all behind and start a new life. You choose him. Mom did you ever think about choosing me? I wonder….. Did you ever think about what was "right?" Have you ever thought… that my father has a right to hate you? My father choose Me. that my father has a right to not want to be in the same room as you or your husband? about it from the point of view that your husband cheated on you, with your 16-year-old daughter? that I am not interested in hearing about any romantic times between you and your husband? It sickens me and makes my body shiver. that I have a right to hate your husband? about the fact that I want nothing to do with his family, including his children, and I certainly do not want to get involved with his nephew as you have suggested that I do? that the only reason I can stand to be around him is out of love for you? Although, I wonder….Why have I chosen you? You choose him. Mom I’m torn. While, you are my best friend and I love you; I’m choosing NOT to put it all behind and continue with the façade. I am choosing Me. Copyright © the author. All Rights Reserved. All contents © copyright 1999-2004 Her Legacies Foundation and/or respective authors and artists. All Rights Reserved.