What I Know Because of Her
By: Candace Vigil
Written: April 2004
In memory of Mary Ellen Humphrey

Easter, 1997, she had somewhere else she had to be. Heaven. Mom was the very essence of a lady, her timing impeccable. For, she knew it was time to leave, and so she did, without a word uttered, just a graceful exit. You see, my sisters had come to her bedside, and read The Bible to her softly. It was then that she’d taken her last breath. Somehow it seemed to me that she had waited until they were finished reading, until I had left the room. She must have realized my denial, my refusal to accept that she was dying, and the fact that I would not take her death with my head held high like the others. How did she know this? She was the very person that helped me grieve the loss of my first love. She was there when I would not leave my room. She left a card on my bed, a sign she knew I needed encouragement to move on. When that didn’t work, she took my hand, and together, we walked into a meeting for those needing support after a death of a loved one. She watched me tell my story, always there, right by my side. She had been the one to help me decide which flowers to send to the funeral. I could hardly bare it, but she urged me forward, to take those needed steps. What I know because of her, is that my role as a mom truly is to give my children roots, then give them wings and let go. She taught me that we can love greatly and become a better person because of that love. She taught me that a part of love is loss, though we must not fear it. Mom believed in a tunnel with a white light glowing with loved ones waiting when we die, because she had been in the white light before I was ever born. I do not have to be afraid of life or death, or life after death, for what I know is because of her, and all the love she left behind. I know she will be waiting in the white light, to once again be right by my side.