I was diagnosed with AML (Acute Myeloid Leukemia), in the summer of
1991. I was carrying "it" about two years before being officially diagnosed.
I was DEVASTATED! Not knowing much about this illness, I thought...
Leukemia...un-curable...DEATH!! After having my first visits, I was
told I was in a treatable stage, but I just had to fight. With the support
of my family, I did, I started the fight. I was only 20 years old and
dating Rafael at that time, who is now my husband. I let him know that
I was ill and explained to him as much as I knew. He was very supportive
and didn't care. We got married on May 9th, 1992. I started my treatments,
chemo and later on some radiation. My looks were obviously not as they
were when we got married. But he still loved me. He reinforced his support
and gave this fight a special touch. Before loosing all of my hair,
and all the big chunks were falling, he saw how hard it was for me.
We talked about it, and decided to shave what was left off. This was
just as hard as finding out that I was ill. Courageous and spirited
he shaved it. I was proud of him for having that strength, and also
touched, when he turned and gave me the scissors and asked for me to
cut his hair and shave his head. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe
he or anyone for that matter would even consider of doing such a thing.
He did. I cut his hair then shaved his head. And then there was two...
a bald headed couple. (If that's not an eye catcher!?) That evening
he told me why he did it. He said he made a promise to GOD. He promised
to go through the bald stages with me, until I had hair. He would then
let his hair grow, in exchange for my health. During this stage, I encountered
people who were sympathetic and asked about my health? But I also had
a few disrespectful and rude people approach me; these were people who
were not ready to see a bald woman. I was finally in remission the summer
of 1996. By this time, he had (has) beautiful long hair, and I was on
the road to recovery. YEAH!!!!!
I've always been a people person. Before and during the time I was diagnosed,
I volunteered off and on for 13 years, at a non-profit organization,
where low-income to homeless family's go to receive help with free clothing
and food when needed. It feels good knowing you help and made a difference
in someone life. My interest in helping people has always been a big
part of me, especially for children and the elderly. I worked at a day
care center and loved it. I assisted in the Kindergarten Program, similar
to a regular classroom. I as well as the parents, was very proud when
the kids scored second grade level reading, writing, and math for their
final exam. Still fulfilling my interest, I worked at a distinguished
and elite, assisted living housing for the elderly. I was orientated
and instructed, not to get attached to any of the residents that lived
there, I confess, I did. I couldn't go to work without thinking... Ann
needs to call her daughter today, and remind her about her doctors appointment
for this afternoon, Emma needs her favorite Tuesday pink sweater on
with her ruby red dragonfly pin, and Mr. Ward has physical therapy,
I need to rub some antibiotics on his knee before wheeling him to his
session (only I could take him, or he wouldn't go). My heart is not
a button to push on and off and stop feeling. I later understood why....
I was told the attachment was not good. A resident, who I cared for,
passed away 15 minutes before I arrived to work one morning. Needless
to say I was heartbroken.
After
several months a new opportunity came. I started working for Girl Scouts.
I'm very happy and fortunate to be a part of this organization, and
more so as part of the staff at Chaparral Council. I have found great
teamwork, wonderful support, and true friends. I'm sure you'll agree
when you finish reading why I feel this way. In July 2000 my father
passed away. I'm the second youngest of nine, and having this as the
first death in my family, I really had a very hard time coping with
this situation. My emotions were like a roller coaster. I received support
by everyone but also the time off needed, (without any hesitation) to
be able to put my thoughts, emotions, and everything else back together.
I am grateful with EVERYONE.
In
mid- August, I thought my life was somewhat settled. But bombshell of
bad news was just around the corner. I had been in remission for 4 1/2
years, and now due to my emotional anguish, and a number of other problems,
my doctor informed me of my RELAPSE. I was disappointed, and felt my
dad's death was punishment enough, why was this happening to me all
over again. #@&%**!!! I didn't know how to begin to tell my family more
bad news! How do I tell my employer? My co-workers? My biggest concern
was..... my husband. How do I start telling him once again we need to
put all our plans on hold, once again our plan of having a family needs
to be postponed until...? I started by first reminding him of how much
we had been through, how we have over come a lot through the years.
I pointed out how his dreams are my dreams, and that nothing should
stop him from fulfilling them. His support for me had and has been from
the start. We started a life together, but it didn't necessarily have
to stay that way. That's when I gave him the news, and the opportunity
to go on with his life, without me. He could go and look for someone
else, who could give him a family he's always wanted, and fulfill all
the other dreams. Including his dream to become a professional drummer.
My decision to let him go was not understood or well seen by others,
but it was my own personal choice. He didn't leave and stayed to fight
this all over again. You can see why I love him with all my heart. I
gave the news to my family, then to my employer. These were also very
hard to do. Once more... I received the wonderful support from everyone
both my family and my "work" family. I started my treatments in late
August. The hats, encouraging words, prayers, moral/spiritual support,
hugs, and sense of humor (extremely important), came from everywhere
and everyone. Each person holds a very special place in my heart. Their
thoughtfulness and attention to detail, has made one of my most difficult
times easier.
I
was speechless when my Peg, (my employer) informed me that, several
staff members had donated some of their own vacation or sick time to
me, so I didn't have to worry about time off. Again, I continued to
feel the compassion, concern, and support from the staff. I had the
biggest tears, crocodiles would be jealous. There are no words to express
my appreciation to them. I have set a few goals for my new life. I have
decided to:
-
To fight it and beat it, and overcome this once again. (I have no
choice...no one will let me give up).
-
To be healthy and be alive for my husband, family, and friends.
-
To work my butt off and show (although not needed) Peg and the staff,
how I value and appreciate my job, and all of them.
-
I (we) will adopt. We will have a family.
-
To have a new vehicle. New life new ride. Nothing expensive, just
dependable and nice. (I can dream... for a Metallic Silver, Tinted
widows, Cruise Control, Sunroof, PT Cruiser!!) I would just like something
new for me.
I hope my story give those who read it the inspiration to keep fighting,
fight for what you want and what you believe in you heart. Not only
for people like me who have an illness, but everyone in general. Through
my life experience (if we can call it that) I believe and have found
family value, true friends, and true love. I can only recommend that
we see the importance of life, and live every moment to its fullest.
Life is something that has no guarantee and is always taken for granted.
I know that not everyone sees these kinds of situations or experiences
as blessings, but I have. Yes...you'll need a lot of patience, strength,
and faith. I feel that there is a reason for this and the answer...
I'll eventually have. My life has meaning, I know why.... Because I
have more than the"LORD" walking by my side, I have my husband, my family,
and my wonderful friends too. I have also found not one but two lost
sheep that the "LORD" knew I'd be able to bring home.
Dolores
Morales :o)
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